Consult at CHLA

I would consider myself a fairly successful woman. I have a wonderful family and a good career. I am typically the type to be in control of things in my life. This situation is completely uncontrollable. I find myself obsessing over the little things, the tiny things that I might be able to control, to have some sort of say in. The more I obsess, the more I realize that even those things are out of my control. How on earth does a person function in such a state of unknown?

We went to CHLA last Thursday to meet with a top-notch surgeon and to look at their facility. We have been receiving our care from UCLA up until this point. UCLA has been incredibly supportive and has taken a great deal of time and deliberation in dealing with all of our needs and questions. I have felt very blessed. However, many people have told me and the rankings show that CHLA has a better heart program. So, last week we drove to LA and took a look. The facility is great. They have an entire floor dedicated to children with heart issues. All of the personnel on that floor have experience with heart defects. Once the baby is done with the ICU, they have a step-down unit just for cardiac kids. They also have an inter-stage clinic that helps with follow up care between surgeries.

All of this is well and good. However, the people there just did not engage with us the way the people at UCLA did. This isn't to say that they are bad people. They just didn't connect with us to the same extent. It felt like we were a part of a system, not an individual. I have no doubt they are capable at CHLA, however my comfort zone is with UCLA. This has been the most difficult decision I have ever made and I feel like it may just be the first of many. If I take the emotions out of it, I think the decision points very clearly to CHLA. But I am having such a difficult time separating myself from the emotions. Not to mention, if we choose CHLA, I will have to deliver at the hospital across the street and baby Elijah will be transported to CHLA. Dion will be with the baby at CHLA, I will be across the street, and Noah will be in Northridge. It just feels like it will be a very fractured time during a very fragile time.

We have to make a decision before Christmas, so I guess I still have a few more weeks to obsess.