Summer is officially over for the Coley family. I have to admit, it was particularily difficult to go back to work last week. I was actually dreading returning. After taking some time to reflect, I realized that it wasn't work that I was dreading, it was leaving my boys. I really did enjoy spending the summer with them. We did so many great things and even though I had moments of frustration, I loved hanging out with them. Last summer was so incredibly intense. We were basically prisoners in our own home. Elijah was so fragile and Noah was struggling with sharing our attention. It was such a difficult time.
This summer was the polar opposite. The boys played in the old fashioned kiddie pool, we went to the zoo, and the fair was a main attraction. We spent time in the garden and Dion grilled on a regular basis. It was nice. It was very, very nice. Part of me wishes it could always be like that. However, I also know that Noah loves school. I think he missed his routined. He is an energetic kid who needs a daily schedule in order to thrive. Elijah will miss his brother, but Jackie is back and everyone loves Jackie. He will get some one-on-one time and attention and maybe, just maybe, we can return to a solid nap schedule.
I too realized that working is good for me. I actually do enjoy what I do. I struggle daily with juggling home and work, but I am trying to keep that balance. I have yet to figure out how, but I am trying. I think that this is a struggle that really effects mothers. Fathers, for some reason, handle this better. I'm not sure if it's something engrained in me, but the guilt kicks in if I don't spend "enough" time with my kids. To add to that, I'm not entirely sure what "enough" is. I feel like it's never "enough." Going back to work means returning to the struggle to find balance. During the summer, I didn't have to worry about this. I didn't have to experience the guilt and wonder if I was being a good mother. I wish there was a manual. Some sort of guidance for working mothers who also want to be successful professionals. But there isn't, so I continue to do what I hope is right for them and for me.
