I've been trying to figure out what I wanted to write for this post for over a week and I have yet to come up with anything elegant and fitting. So I gave up and decided to just write.
Elijah turned one last wed. Can you believe it? Elijah is one. It was a little less than a year ago when Dr. Devore told us that our son had a condition called HLHS. I was 12 weeks pregnant at the time. I just sat there shocked. Devastated. Scared. So so so scared. I think I have been scared every day since. But last Wednesday I wasn't scared. I wasn't worried. I wasn't trying to figure out what comes next or plan for the next big hurtle. Last Wednesday I was happy. I let Elijah eat whatever the heck he wanted (which is sooooo unlike me if you weren't already aware). I let the boys stay up a little late. I marveled at what our family has become and of the joy this little boy has brought to our lives. We have struggled this year. We have had a great deal of heartache and tears this year. But nothing outweighs the joy that a smile from Elijah brings my heart.
It was a little less than a year ago when Dion and I were given a choice. We had a decision to make that no one should have to face. We decided that we wanted to give our little Elijah a fighting chance. I look at him and I am so grateful we made that choice. He has endured what no person, let alone baby, should every have to go through. This one year old has had two open heart surgeries, a lung plication, three caths, and a ridiculous number of xrays and echos. He has been hospitalized for months and yet here he sits, playing with his brother acting just like any other one year old boy. Elijah cruises, crawls, says dadada, mimics you, kisses when you ask, waves goodbye, and loves his brother like no other. I'm not going to pretend that he is like any other one year old, but I am going to revel in this moment for a little longer. There is so much uncertainty in the future; I'm going to sit with the certainty of this moment for a bit longer.
